happy new year

fireworks in front of my eyes

U2 at the back singing...

sip of beer in my mouth

and ur message came in

happy new year

Chiak Peng!

I been meaning to blog abt the food here in Taiwan, but because my camera is spoiled... and i am broke to buy a new one... so....

Anyway... ACMM was in Town n she has took some brilliant pics of Taiwan Food... HENCE, I decided to steal those shots to put it in my blog... muahahhaah....

ok ok... the first one... Ginger Duck soup (薑母鴨)

　It's actually a pot of duck soup cooked with lots of ginger and rice wine. The noodle beside is know as "mian sian" (麵線) which is cooked with sesame oil. yum!

We are adding in my favourite ingredients in... duck blood!!! seriously, it taste like toufu... just better!

It taste really good... the concept is like steamboat, just that the soup is very different from the usual ones... its a perfect meal for the cold winter night!

The cutest thing is that u sit on a stool to eat it... can get leg cramp i tell u!!!

2. Snacks from Shilin Market

Ok... to be frank, i'm not a big fan of it... but seems like very tourist have to come n give it a try... i will recommend a few edible one la... but seriously, the shopping at shilin market is way better then its food..

The sausages here are actually quite nice... not bad at all.. i like the spicy flovoured ones..

Don't ask. Just try ok. It looks good anyway...

This is the infamous: Big kueh wrap small kueh (大餅包小餅）seriously, they have to get a shorter name... SOON! it taste alright... but its quite unique... so will recommend it...

This is part 1.. I swear part 2 will come... soon enough...

思念是一种病

39度

昨天病得一塌糊涂，
发烧39度，
差点变白痴了。
然后再昏昏庸庸之间，
发现单身的人，
还真的没有生病的权利。
食物要自己买，
医生要自己看，
连一个帮你拍拍背，
问你有没有好一点的人都没有。
他们总说， 我很挑，说以才会一直找不到男朋友。
可是，我也只是想找一个能在我生病时，帮我拍拍背的人而已啊，
这是太挑了吗？
结果，发烧也好了，
背还是没人拍，
单身最可怕是，当你已习惯单身

to sum it up

Yes, I’m blogging at work now. Because its Monday and I believe that is reason enough.

Weather has been chaotic lately in Taipei. It was reported 10 degree yesterday n now its 21 today -__________- which is why… I think I’m falling sick soon…

Went up to Yang Ming San again with K. If u saw my pervious post, u will know y I love that place so much. And also cause K said that she wanted to roll on the grass… n I needed an open place to read my book (reading Kabul Beauty School by Deborah Rodriguez now. Excellent stuff!). So we packed a picnic mat and burgers and fried noodles and “marinated eggs” (滷蛋) and potato chips…Yes, food is always the motivation for us. HOWEVER, we underestimate the weather up there and end up freezing like chicken in the snow (haha… I know I know… probably the worst description ever). But still… it was nice…(u want to see pics go to my FB la…)

Oh… we went to watch Rugby also at 劍潭. We were invited by CH ( Ch is this Chinese dude from South Africa, when he told me that, I didn’t believe, at least not untill i saw the whole clan… and every time he talks abt South Africa… it reminds me a lot of KL…unsafe, dirty and being a minority... ah... home sweet home). The matches were between South Africa against the rest of the World… haha… I had a good time even though I don’t know anything abt Rugby. We had sausages, wine… and best of all… laughter… haha… (again pls refer to FB for pics… lazy to post here)

But it wasn’t all good too… It was my cousin’s wedding last Sunday in Malaysia n I couldn’t go. It was quite sad because she was one of the closest cousins I have… but anyway… I wish her all the best and happy being a housewife… FYI, I am officially the only NON-MARRIED girl among my peers in my family. Can u imagine the talk we gonna have when I go back for reunion dinner… Great…just great…

Maybe its not a great week after all… I was working till mid night almost everyday… a bomb went off in India… my fren is still stuck in Thailand n cant come back… I still in “crush” with my colleague (which he has absolutely no idea, or at least I hope)… my best fren broke up with a jerk… a jerk from the past came back to hunt me…a 20 year old child tell me that he loves me, and nearly make me puke cause he is same age as my bro (which btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO!!! LOVE YA!) and I still missing curry…

So brand new week today n my horoscope told me that I will have a great week ahead… oh well… I just got a NT1000 shopping voucher courtesy of my firm for my up coming b’day ( in case anyone forgets… its 14 DECEMBER..hehe...), I suppose my horoscope is quite accurate…

Nonetheless, back to work again… long long week ahead…

AND can u people pls drop me an email n tell me how are u all??? I begging for some love here!

In between...

Because sometimes words are redundant.

Because a picture says a thousand words.

Because they say heaven is a place on earth.


Because for every ugly in the world, there is one beauty.


AND


Because I am too lazy to write... so...

enjoy the pics...

Yang Ming San, Taipei

Pics are courtesy of sherly wong! thanks dear!

For those that we have loved and lost...

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

- Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905-2004)

Just another love story 1

G was being very frank about it. She always knew that kind of man that she wants. Rich, good-looking, someone that she can bring around and show it off to her friends, that’s why you can say that it was love at first sight when she met D at K’s party. D was the perfect man that she wants, he was from a rich family, with a beaming career and he got a house, a car and was quite a looker. However, there were one glitch, he was 3 years younger then her. But she figure, when you are at 30, you just could not be too picky. Plus, she was told that she look way younger then her own age. G is not your average pretty girl. She was attractive in her own way, plus, she does have a killer leg to go with the perfectly proportionate figure.

K was never optimistic about it. She knows guys like D. They are what you call the “unintentional heartbreaker”. It is not that they make it a goal that how many girl’s heart they gonna break today, not like they have a wall to record all of their triumph. But it just happened. It will be all love and passion for the first few weeks, then it will die off before they even know why. They say things like, they are sorry, they don’t intend to, they have other plans in life now where they just could not fit you in. The fact is, they know from the very first day, that this was never gonna last. You are just one of the casualties.

Of course, G would have known better. But love can be blind, so is pride. So they hit it off, without knowing that each other actually hit it off on very different ground. He thought it was casual, just two lonely soul seeking each other comfort in the big city. It was never meant to be long term. In fact, G was not the only soul he was seeking comfort from. She knew it was casual, but like the mistake every other woman in love will commit, she thought… or no, she believe that she could change him. She believes that maybe she is the one that God send to change him. Ah… aren’t we all been there before.

K never believed that it will even happen. K told G, D is bad news, so unless you can keep it casual too, you should just break it off. But do we ever listen, where the sun was shinning with all its glory, do we ever believe the warning of the storm ahead?

It happened sooner then she thought. Was G surprised that it ended this way? No, she wasn’t. G knew. It’s just that she thought she had a good chance, or at least she believes that she did. D was sorry. He had other plans in life. Of coz, he had.

So then, there were those drunken night, partying to the early dawn, trash talking about man, and endless tears… everything a girl in a big city will do to get over a break up.

And then G wakes up the next morning. Her hair still stink of smoke and her bathroom stinks of puke. While, she light up her Marlboro light, and stare outside the window, she knows that she gonna be alright. It was just another day in her life.

FALL

Louise Vuitton had their fall collection 2008 way before fall is actually here.
Sogo is displaying all those hip and chic knee length, half knee length, and ankle length booths.
Travel website is suggesting the most romantic get-away for couples this Fall.
And as I was standing at the junction of the busiest street in Taipei… waiting for the Fall breeze to sweep me away…and guess what… I FELT NOTHING!!!

Can someone please tell me, why is it so bloody hot when it’s suppose to be FALL… here is am, standing in front of LV shop, staring at their Fall collection, with all those fur n leather, WHILST I am here sweating like a pig in my very thin cardigan, I feel so cheated. When I came to this county, they promise me four season, there were suppose to be spring, summer, FALL and winter… and Oct/Nov suppose to be like “the Time” for Fall.. but no… nothing! All I can feel is heat, heat and more heat… I am deceived L

So while I was walking back to my office…under the blazing hot sun….I wonder when can I ever put on my trench coat, and my super sexy, almost slutty high heels boots… it’s doesn’t seem to be anytime soon L

little things

So it’s about the little things.

Toilet

People here don’t believe in throwing the used toilet papers in the toilet bowl; instead they will throw into a rubbish bin. Reason being that… something abt the toilet papers here cant dissolved in water and something abt the pipe here are too small for toilet paper to pass thru… Personally, I think its super gross! But u got no choice unless u want unclogged ur toilet bowl every 2 hours.

Yet, they still have the cleanest public toilet…hmm… the irony.

Go Green

It can mean both way here, either u are supporting the ‘Green’ political party here or u are talking abt recycling. I am talking about recycling here. If u live in Taipei City, not only u need to categorized all ur rubbish, u need to wait for a specific day of which kinda rubbish you can throw… I used to hate it so much cause its such a pain! But then I realized, in order to avoid the trouble of dividing rubbish, I actually try to create less rubbish, which in a way, I am contributing my part to saving the world… muahahah…

Siesta

I was so happy at my first day of work cause I find out that my lunch time is 1 1/2 hours.. yay! But I realized there is a reason to that. Cause people here mostly have the habit of afternoon nap. So they will finish their lunch in 1 hour and come back to the office for a short nap. Which was kinda a pain for me, cause I don’t usually take afternoon nap so I wont know what to do in that half an hour (plus, they will turn off the light, so in order not to disturb my ‘roommate’, I will need to ‘play’ in the dark)… but now, I learn to take a quick nap, and even I don’t really fall asleep, it’s quite good to refresh ur mind, or at least give the poor tired eyes a rest after staring at the comp for the whole morning!

Plastic bag

This is related to the Go green topic above. In Taipei, you don’t go to a seven-eleven or Carrefour and expect that they will give you a free plastic bag after your purchase. Nope. You have to buy them. Yes, you have to buy those plastic bags that we use so freely back in M’sia. I mean, their intention is so that you will bring ur own bag and use less plastic bag as part of their Go Green project. I mean, this people have a Ministry that is dedicated solely to environmental protection. So believe me when I say they take the consumption of plastic bag issue very seriously. Oh ya… and you have to buy those specified plastic bag in Seven-eleven that is issued by the city council if you want to throw rubbish, if not the “city council rubbish truck” ( I have absolutely no idea what are they called as) will refuse to collect ur rubbish -________-

Lottery

How many of u really keep all of your receipt, other then for tax return purpose? Well, I will advise you to keep all ur receipt if you are here, because that could be your ticket to all your wildest dream come true! Every receipt that you get it from any shop, it will have a serial number, and every 2 months time, they will have a lucky draw and the winner will get money… LOTS of money… its like our TOTO… just that u don’t pay for the numbers… of coz, the process of winning is much complicated, as I cant really be bother, i dont really know the details to it… but anyway, the reason behind this is to ensure all the business/company here to issue receipt so that they can avoid tax…or something like that…:p

Of coz there is more interesting things to share here… but that’s all for now LA (long time never say LA adi)… maybe will have a part II soon, no promise though...hehe... :p

"I have a dream..."

At last, the 21 months race for the position as one of the world most powerful leader had ended, and the result is most inspiring. This makes me start to wonder, will our own nation ever live to this? Will the people of our nation ever get to vote and choose the person to lead our country based on the person capability rather then ethnicity? Will we ever live to tell our children that they can be anything they want, even the leader of this country despite their ethnicity? Will we ever be able to choose our leader based on who he/she is rather then what he/she is? Will we ever really enjoy the freedom and true spirit of a democratic country?

Maybe… if we ever so lucky... then maybe we will…

short n quick

ok... this will be a random one... just some pics of things that i been doing and people that i have met here in Taipei...

yes people...your eyes are not playing trick with u... I am doing out door activity... haha... quite impressive kay... i think we cycled abt 50km that day. We start from Taipei bridge, n cycled all along dan shui river until we reached this place call Guan Du and had some amazing food! The ride was actually quite enjoyable cause the view along the way is breath taking!

This is the one where Ivan brought us to eat "Ginger Duck Steamboat"... IT WAS EXCELLENT!!! love it... its a must try when u visit Taiwan!!



Now i will like to introduce some of my friends here... The guy is Ivan and he is Malaysian! I was staying with him when i just reached Taiwan... well, this guy is super cool and such a nice person to hang out with!! and Karen is one hot babe that i get to know! she is very nice and super hot!!! think we gonna best mate ;)

The pic is not very clear... but its only one i got. This is not really my friend la... but he is this cute bartender at this bar that we go to all the time... and he calls me the "吉隆坡美女" ( which mean... the beautiful KL girl) hehe... *blush*:P

anyway...just wanted to tell u all that bar here is so super cool... we paid like RM20.. and drinks are free flow!!! of coz, that's b'coz we fit the theme also... i think that night was miniskirt night or something like that... anyway.. he is quite an eye candy

This is my "roommate" in my office... :) He is this shy geeky dude... but we have weirdest and conversation :P But he is very nice and super talented!! he plays the piano and the trumpet!!!

Anyway... that's all for now... stay tuned for more exciting adventure of Tania in Taipei...:P

cute or weird

Me: How long has the green tea tin been on your table?
You: I think more then a year.
Me: I think you should throw it away, it must have expired.
You: But I like to have something green to look at.
Me: ……..

Me: Ok. I think I know where Carrefour is already. But you think I should take the MRT there or just take a cab.
You: Hmm……….(long pause) I think you should take the MRT, cause there is a lot of turning on the way there. If you take the cab then you might get car sick.
Me: …….. (speechless again)

Me: So what do you think of this apartment?
You: Hmm……… ( long pause again…deep in thought) Did you notice all your window are grilled?
Me: So?
You: So, if there is fire, then its gonna be hard to escape. Their fire escape route is not very good. But its ok, I analyzed already, if there is fire, you just run towards your left.
Me: Geee…. Thanks
You: Your welcome
Me: ………….

Me: The Thailand lawyer are not gonna reply today cause it’s a public holiday today in Thai.
You: WHAT???? WHY??? WHY????
Me: Er… its not that urgent right the matter?
You: NO!!! WHY ARE THEY ON HOLIDAY?! I WANT HOLIDAY TOO!!!
Me: But u had a public holiday last week n u came back to office n work, so what different does it make?
You: ………….. I want to go make coffee.

Me: So, both of you like share the same the coat?
You: No. That is not my coat. Its his.
Me: Then why does he hang it in your room?
You: I dunno. Hmm… I never asked him before.
Me: ……….

Enjoy doing nothing...

I know... it's been too long... but here we are... my first blog in Taiwan... er... second...:P

I want to blog abt this place that we went for my firm's anniversary celebration. It is this place call chiao his royal hotel... its abt an hour away from Taipei city, located in this place call Yi Lan, which is famous for their hot spring... so yes, i had my first hot spring experience!!! lol

well, it is actually very generous of the firm to put us up in this 5 star hotel for just a company anniversary dinner and it actually cost RM 1000 per head !!!

Anyway, it was a very nice hotel... very Japanese kinda concept... oooh... n the best thing is that we have our own hot spring in every room!!! that is so cool... coz, people like me... which is not that confident abt my naked body, dont really want to go those public one u see...shy leh :P

before u all scroll down n start looking at the pics... i need to confest that i didnt take those pics :P soli la... people havent bought camera yet...

and also, u wont be seeing any pics of me... cause... i dont really post my pics on my blog la... can check it out on my facebook later...

anyway... here we go!

This is the hotel entrance... it took our breath away at first look... it was located just the foot of the mountain.... very quite n nice!!

This is the hallway leading from the reception ... like i said, very Japanese inspired... apparently, the hotel design won like some architect award...

This is the waiting area in front of the receptionist... they actually served us with some tea and some traditional Yi Lan dessert upon out arrival.

This is so cute... it beside the swimming pool, where the water from the hot-spring will flow in there so u can just soak ur body in there.... i see some old couple was doing it.. so cute! apparently hot spring suppose to be good for your skin... with all the mineral in it....

This was where the fish spa was... quite cool! got my leg nice n smooth :0

this is the outdoor hot spring... i didnt try it... too shy.. :P

but its pretty cool... nice scenery and all.

FOOD.... GLORIOUS FOOD.... we had like caviar... cheese!! lots of cheese.... salmon... it was super yum!!!


This is oue room :) my roommate forget to take the pic of our private hot spring!!! yes... we have a private hot spring!!! how cool is that?!








okla... i know its not much this time around... but promise i will post more ok? stay tuned!!! lol!!!!

oh ya... in case u were wondering abt the title... its the slogan of the hotel :) guess they really live up to it!

Akan Datang.... 即將播映 ....Coming Soon...

I know people been wondering... where have u been??? but guess what? I"M BACK!!!!muahahah!!!

so this is just a short announcement that i'm back and my next blog is gonna be abt my brand new life in Taipei...

So watch out for it... n till then.... be good!!!

Scared...

life been ok lately. I'm still waiting for my permit from Taiwan and getting anxious about it. I do hope everything goes well. I got a lot at stake here but again, I try to stay positive and not to stress myself out too much.

I got a lot of bad news last couple of weeks. Not about me, but people around me. Relationship fall apart, people loosing love ones, and all... Kinda got me down a little. I dunno. Relationship are hard i suppose, but am I being naive to believe in happy ever after? We all try so hard everyday to be happy, but along the way, have we even forget what happy means?

Today, I saw some disturbing news on the paper, which got me a bit scared... scared about the future of this country. Scared about the future of the people in this country... Are we heading the right direction? i dunno... I believe changes are good, but are we ready for changes? can the people handle the change?? I really have my doubt.

I had dream last night, that i was on a flight to Taiwan, then i realize i felt something important that I forget to bring along... until now, i still dunno what it was... my heart maybe

I was frustrated with a dear fren last week. I dunno whether was I just merely being unreasonable... but I know is i was furious.. I was very disappointed to at the same time. Maybe she did nothing wrong, maybe I just expect to much. I think I am very demanding towards relationship. I always feel that the one that care the most, bound to be the one that get most hurt. I dunno whether is it right... but I'm just like that.

It was a OK week. I feel like so much undone and yet I feel like I lack the energy. I suppose to be very excited.. but again I'm terrified. I need everything to go well... but hell, i know that the world don't go around the exact way i want it to... I'm scared to loose when I have too much at stake... I'm scared....

Fairy tales

Long long time ago, in a land far far away, lives a King and a Queen. Together they had this beautiful princess. Oh! what a beauty she was. Those big blue eyes like the colour of the deep blue sea... and the long goldie locks... she was the fairest of all.

They live in this beautiful castle, where they will have Balls, tea parties. It was always filled with music, laughter and love. It was a happy place.

And then, the princess grew up and like every fairy tale, the prince charming came looking for his princess. Riding his beautiful white stallion, with his shinning amour, he swept her feet with his charm. In was out of this world kinda love. They sing, they dance. They kiss, they loved. He brings her gift, flowers.... He was out there to spoil her with all his love... as she was all that in his eyes... and she knows that they are gonna live happily ever after.

But... suddenly.. things start to change. The prince's flower don't shower her anymore. They fight and they fight... They can't seem to find back to good old days... She asked him:"Why? What went wrong?" Prince charming said, " this is not the ending that i want."

So Prince Charming left, with the cobbler's daughter, a peasant, to search for a brand new life. While the princess stayed back in her empty castle with a broken heart, wondering.. What happened to her happily ever after?

Long long time ago, we learn that princesses don't always live happily ever after...

It's a beautiful day

It’s a beautiful day....

where the sun is shinning... bird is chirping... flowers are blooming...

It’s a beautiful day....

where I'm dancing in the car park... twirling and swinging...

It’s a beautiful day...

where my face is plastered with a smile... i can't stop it...

It’s a beautiful day...

where I sing ..oh so loud...

It’s a beautiful day.....

where I stand at the top of the world and holler your name...

It's a beautiful day....

What's wrong with the world, mama?

I read a news today that really sadden me... I sure you all have read the news, about the lip-syched incident in the Olympic. How a 7-year-old Chinese girl was not good-looking enough for the Olympics opening ceremony, so another little girl with a pixie smile lip-synched the national anthem "Ode to the Motherland".

Was shocking that how can a country openly tell the world, tell the children of the world that, "doesn't matter how talented you are, but you can be denied just by your look" What are we teaching the children today?

As a kid, I grew up in an environment where I was denied of a lot of opportunity merely because the way I look. I remember the face of my teacher when she told me that I could not take part in a competition because of my skin colour. I was only 10 years old then. I cried. I could not understand why? I was good. I was talented. I don't understand why could not I compete just because I am darker then my other school mate. How could anyone understand why??

Since then, I realized, that people are "skin" deep. I work very hard to prove myself. I have to put in the extra to make a point a across, that the colour of my skin should not matter.

Over the years, I grew up and the colour of my skin doesn't matter anymore. or does it? Why every time I turn back, i still see the little girl that is crying along the school hall way? Why is that image still brings tears to the eye? Why the sense of rejection still feel so clear?

And I look at the little 7 year old girl today, and I am thinking, How did her parents tell her? How did the officer tell her? "girl, you are probably the best 7 year old singer around, but we can't choose you to represent the country cause you are not cute enough?" I am baffled. Who are you to tell a 7 year old girl that?

People say you get over it. No, you won't. You will be surprise that how much a 7 year old can remember. I still remember the teacher that called me the"black" one in my second grade and I was only 8.

I am upset about what I have been through as a kid. And I will never ever want another kid to go through what I haven went through. But now, I am angry! I am angry on how a country is teaching their children. How can you do that to a child? How can we teach a child that looks does matter? How can we teach a child that, as long as you look good enough, you can get it all? What kind of message are we sending to the world out there?

This Olympic probably has one of the best opening ever. However, when this is done with price of a child, the message of Olympic to promote mankind... seems to me.. its a joke!

Missing you...

I recieved a great news today... it was a really a very good news...

I took out my phone and realized that the only person that I want to tell this news to is no longer around.

What is joy when you are not here anymore...

Never

I never had sex before.

They say they adore me, they say I am gorgeous, they say I am sexy, they say they care so much about me, they say I am their best friend. But they will never have sex with me.

I was never hugged by a man so tight that it’s like nothing can tear him away.

They say they adore me, they say I am gorgeous, they say I am sexy, they say they care so much about me, they say I am their best friend. But they will never hug me the way that make me gasp for air.

I was never kissed by a man before.

They say they adore me, they say I am gorgeous, they say I am sexy, they say they care so much about me, they say I am their best friend. But they will never kiss me until my toe curls.

I was never loved by a man before in the way that a man loves a woman.

They say they adore me, they say I am gorgeous, they say I am sexy, they say they care so much about me, they say I am their best friend. But they will never fall in love with me.
Never.

Red. Like Blood

I'm obsessed abt Grey's anatomy. AGAIN.

I thought i was over it already. After season 3 and i refused to watch season 4. Mainly because Burke dump Christina at the alter. George cheated on Callie. Izzie still annoys me. Meredith.... dont even get me started...

But because i cant resist the temptation. I cant resist Mc Dreamy... I got hook... AGAIN...

Still havent finish all the episodes of season 4, about 6v more episode left. But i decided to include by far a few of my favourite quotes for season 4 :).. enjoy...:

Meredith: Christina... are you in the dark place?
Christina: Yeah.
Meredith: Me too


Cristina: Okay, what are your other symptoms?
Meredith: Okay..there’s the father thing. The mother thing. The sister thing... mmm ... the dying and coming back to life thing.
Cristina: You have too many things.

Meredith: Lexie's not that bad is she?
Cristina: Oh, are we not hating her anymore?
Meredith: Oh no, we still hate the idea of her. We just realize we don't have reason to hate the actual person.
Cristina: She's an intern. That's reason enough.
Meredith: Oh, I think you may be the new Nazi.
Cristina: Damn right.

Meredith: Lexie's not that bad is she?
Cristina: Oh, are we not hating her anymore?
Meredith: Oh no, we still hate the idea of her. We just realize we don't have reason to hate the actual person.
Cristina: She's an intern. That's reason enough.
Meredith: Oh, I think you may be the new Nazi.
Cristina: Damn right.

George: Well, Dr. Bailey did save your life today. A black woman saved your life, at a great personal cost. So maybe next time you're looking at your tattoo and you're thinking how much better all these white guys are better than everyone else. You might wanna think about that. Cause between you and me, if I had been alone in that O.R., you would probably be dead right now. And since we are sharing belief systems, I believe that if you were dead, the world would be a better place.

George: It's horrible. The sex. With Izzie... horrible. It's like she's trying to hard, it... it's...you ever seen a porno? Not that Izzie's a porno; she's an angel, but it's like she's trying to... channel a porn star and she's trying to act all dirty and sexy, which sounds great, right? But in reality I just wanna say, "Izzie, just because you can do that with your legs doesn't mean that you should."
Meredith: Eh... I wanna run.
George: Run, run. Run now!

What a brilliant script they had!!I can go on and on... You probably cant relate much to it until u watch the show...oh be prepare, that once u start watching... you just cant stop!!

Oh ya... my personal favourite line for this season will be:

Christina: I am painting Burke's apartment so I can stop calling it Burke's apartment. A happy color. Red. Like blood.

RED. LIKE BLOOD

My blog

I think my blog is too pink...

I tried to change it to other colours but they don't scream Tania...

so.. I shall still keep it pink....

hmm... i change my blog title also... i mean, people still call me hot... but I think I'm getting more n more of being a Drama queen... I got it from my mama i think.. :P

So new blog name, same old colour.... let the ball roll...

Maybe

I am anxious.
I think it might be happening.
I am not too sure.
I could be very wrong.
I still hope that i am right.
I don't think it's time yet though
I can certainly hope it is.
I was lucky before.
I might be very lucky again.
I am anxious.

To a friend

“…you will see that you never really had, in the way that you thought, that person or item you were mourning. And you will see that you will always have them in other ways.”

winter morning

As i walk out the door,
i feel the morning breeze after a rainy night,
reminds me of the winter morning in Tasmania,
i can almost remember,
the smell of Darwin,
how did we all forget the simplest thing?

Phenomenal Woman

"Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me. "

-by Maya Angelou

Defeated

My car broke down yesterday before i go to work.

It is probably not the worst thing that had happend to me, but it still sucks. I still remember, it was 8:15am in the morning, and i was standing there, staring at my car. i dunno what to do.. well, not like i really dunno what to do. i mean, the reasonable man will call the mechanic and so... But at that time, where the frustration builds up, i just wanted to sit down and do nothing...

I left my hometown since i was 19. Went to KL alone, study and work there ever since... if there is ever one thing i learn over the course of 7 years living alone, is that u only got urself. I mean, of coz i got frens, in fact i got the best of the best frens. But they are still frens. They have no obligation to be there for u or help u to resolve your problem. Its not that i am incapable of solving my problem... but it will be nice, that for once, just once u have someone that tell u:" its ok. dont worry. I will take care of everything." How nice... is it too much to ask? wishful thinking?

I dunno have i been doing a good job with myself. I dont think i did. I sometime still feel as helpless and confuse as the 19 year old girl in Town. So many time i tell myself :'just go home Tania. Y are u still here? u got no family, no love one, y are u still here?" I dont know. The lifesyle? the career? the frens? Maybe...

U think loneliness is a habit, but i never seems to get use to it. Maybe i havent grown up. that probably is my problem. I am n a child stuck in an adult body. Overwelmed with the grown up world and struggle to find a place everyday.

I told JA that i like cant find anyone to watch movie with me and i end up watching movie alone all the time. Pathetic? maybe... but its probably my effort to adulthood. Learn how to be alone. Learn to be a grown up. Stop being a baby!

Will get my car fixed tomorrow and continue my daily routine like normal. but i still pray, along the way, i will learn and be good at being a grown up. Being me.

I hate man

I hate man.

Yes, I seriously do.

I hate man which is only nice to the girl that they like and treat every other female like ass.

I hate man that only pulls out the chair for the girl that they like and just leave their other female friend hanging high and dry.

I hate man that only cares about whether the girl they like will break their hand by carry a piece of paper and totally ignores other females that stand beside him with a tons of stuffs.

I hate man that thinks that every girl that talks to him like him -_________-. Please, we are better then that.

I hate man that thinks that fair and skinny girls are pretty; where else a dark and fat girl is ugly. FYI, there is no such thing as an ugly girl but a shallow man.

I hate man that swears at a girl. Yes, we can swear at you, can even slap at you if we want. Don’t like it? Tough! I never say it’s a fair world.

I hate man… that breaks a girl heart, and go around parade it as his winning glory.

I hate man… I really do…

TOPIC _less

Life sucks. Hope yours is better.

I can't take my eyes off you

The Blower's Daughter
Damien Rice and Lisa Hannigan lyrics

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

PLEASE....

I saw something on the newspapers today which got me raging in fire. Our beloved Deputy Prime Minister said that it is our goal to have zero death toll for our national service. That is a good news... wait a minute... u mean there is death in our national service??? U kidding me?? i mean, where are we sending our boys and girls? gulf war? Firstly, there should not even be any death at all for our national service. What went wrong here? bad food? unsafe environment? or simple just bad management??

I am not trying to be anti-govt here. But we are talking someone's son, someone's daughter, someone's brother, someone's sister!so the duty of care should be above and beyond. I feel so sick to read any news abt a child loosing his life during national service. And when i thought about my 18 year old brother... it got me even more sick to my stomach!

Please... i pledge our govt. I mean, i do agree with national service concept. But please, exercise it with caution, extreme caution. Every little life we loose along the way, is a regret that we can never remedy. Please...

Memory

Sex and the city

I remember the scene where Carrie was walking the dog with Aidan. It was a quite night scene in New York. Carrie was once, very dress down, a tube and short. I love that scene. It was the sweetest. Although in the end, she chose Mr. Big, but that moment will be remembered forever.


Gray’s Anatomy

When Bruke proposed to Christina, there is only person she wants to tell it to first, Meredith, but she can’t seem to find her. Then finally, she found her, lying on the bed, just came back from death. And she told her. I cried all night for that scene.

Friends

Phoebe never owns a bicycle ever in her life. But when she was young, her neighbor had the nicest bike. It was pink in colour, with a white wicker basket in front, which had little colorful daisy on it. Ross heard about the story and got her the exact same bike. That moment, I understand what good friends are made off.


7th Heaven

The Camden family took in Lucy’s friend where come from a trouble family, where no one at the family ever say love. Matt heard about it and turn to Lucy and said: “ You know I love you right.”. In return, Lucy said “ Ya, I know. I love you too.” Family, you fight, you scream, you yell, but you can’t not love them.


House

The scene where Dr. House strip down to his pant and showed his scared leg to Dr. Cuddy, sometime, the strongest are the weakest.

Happy Birthday

Today is my dad's birthday. If he is still around, he will be 57 years old. I miss him.

I think about him almost everyday. But somehow, the tears don't drop so often, his face fade a little, the word 'ah pa' is more foreign a little. It scares me sometime.I rather go through the pain of losing him every single day then forget any bits of him. Time don't seems to give me such luxury. Some how over time, whether you want it or not, you move on, even just a little. And i fear that, one day, i will forget, forget the way he smile, the way frown, the he held my hand. I fear i will forget his face... i am terrified.

I always think about those that come and gone too soon.

My primary school mate. She had a beautiful name. Barely made it to 14, a accident took her life away.

My little niece, was only 3 years old when God took her back, guess that God needed an extra angel.

MY dearest uncle, who spend his whole life battling against drug addiction. Finally he succeeded but life didn't gave him a second chance. I remember that Sunday afternoon, where he held and my hand and bought me my first ' apam balik'. I don't eat it any more, just taste too bad...

My loving aunt. What a great person her was, caring, talented and extremely nice. Yet, we loose her too soon. I never forget that evening that we got the news, its the first i saw my dad cry...

My Dad's best friend who passed away just a year before my dad. They were best friend. i think they still are...

Great people which we all loose too soon too fast...

Sometime i glad that there is Heaven, or at least i want to believe so... I need to know that this is not it, that this is not the end. I need to know that one day, i will see you again, i will see the warm smile again, when you greet me with open arm.
It is also my biggest fear that Heaven don't exist, and this is all we have. How will anyone ever go on.... I do not know.

Happy Birthday, ah pa. Miss you.

BORED

I need a date. Take me out. No commitment required.

Tania says ... part 1

People that knows me, knows about my obsession with fashion. I study, i preach, I live and i wear fashion. Of coz, fashion to me used to be about what is in, what is out. But now, i know fashion is about you and you only. fashion is about what you wear, not what wear you. Its about how it represent you, not about what you represent. Fashion is you. Below will be some of my tips on fashion, from colour, to fabric, to clothes, to shoes, to accessories... Everything i know, i tell... not to tell you what to wear, but to help u to find your own style :) like what coco chanel said, 'in order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different'

Ok.. let's get to business... Let's do colours first.

1. Its black, its white...

Ok, black and white, both being the basic colour where you just cant go wrong, or so you thought? The things is there is nothing wrong in wearing an all black or an all white assemble, provided you accessorises it properly. I mean you don't want to look like you are attending someones funeral or a nurse from the eighties... Be bold, if you are wearing an all black cocktail dress, match it with a coloured shoe, be it red, yellow or even green! its ok, as long as that is the only other colour u have. the rule is, never have more then 3 colours in one assemble!!.

All white is fine too for the ladies. I mean you can wear an all white suite provided you wear a coloured shirt inside. White is the best colour to match with almost anything. Even better then black! Oh ya, try not to mix black with grey. It not to say that its wrong, but it just a bit too dull, especially if you have a darker skin tone.

Another thing to note that, a black coloured fabric tends to look more 'expensive' then white ones. I mean, you can buy a black shirt for 29.90 yet pull its off as 299.99, but its almost impossible to do that with white shirt. Therefore, i will invest in a more expensive white cloth, as it is worth it anyway. And maybe can go a bit more budget with black ones :)

By the way, black does not necessary make you look slimmer, but a right cut will! FYI, people with a darker skin tone looks the best with white :)

I wont talk to much here about black and white as i will elaborate more later in the "white shirt" and "little black dress" topic later on. Just remember if nothing else match, just go black!!!

2. the RED faces



Red. Somehow it reminds of a guilty pleasure, a sinful right... I adore red and i think only a true woman can bring out the passion and life of the colour red. Therefore, red is a tricky colour to wear, u need to do it just right! The truth is red doesn't go well with most of the colours, except your basic black, white and maybe beige.

And as you can see from above, pink is part of red too. But i think i shall blog about pink separately... let's talk about a red shirt, a red shirt is best to go with a black skirt. You just cant go wrong with that. And when u are wearing something as bold as red, you have to minimize on the accessories and only wear one tone colour accessories. preferably something more basic, like black or even gold.

The thing with red is, you have to find one shade that fit your skin tone, if you are fair, or even slightly tanned, be bold and go with really striking chili red. It will look fabulous! but if you are more tanned and even darker skin tone, a more subtle red will suit you better. But again, nothing to stop you from trying a red hot dress... just remember the essential rule, keep it simple!

I mean, who can forget Nicole Kidman in the beautiful red number by Balenciaga in 2007 Academy Awards. Its bold and its simple. Its Perfect!



If you wearing an all red dress, make sure that is all you wear. No accessories needed, and if u absolutely have to, then the least the better! and Please... PLEASE dont paired it with a red shoe.. it just wrong! go with a gold stripe shoe instead. It will look a million bucks!

And although red and pink is the same categories, but never mixed them together. its just so wrong!

3. Purple rain.. oh.. purple rain...



Purple is another colour that i adore... but also, it is one the hardest colour to match. It almost goes with nothing!! almost :p Of coz, u can always mixed it with white or black. But somehow i dont feel like it brings out the beautiful shade of purple. This is the problem you face with spectral colours, they are must harder to match, and purple is not even spectral colour, its extraspectral colors, which only means that it is much harder to match.



Then i realize, there is another colour that will do the job, baby blue, a very light, almost pale blue. Purple being the spectral colour of red and blue, pairing it with a shade of light blue can really bring out the tone of purple. But of coz, this only applicable to darker shade of purple. If you talking about a much lighter shade of purple, then you can try to pair it up with a really dark shade of blue.

Of coz, in purple itself, we have violet, plum and others. Violet its a beautiful colour, especially when its on satin or silk.. but again, a very tricky colour to match. My advise? back to basic. But some how, i do think that Violet goes better with white rather then black... And Violet also goes better with silver rather then gold! ;)



Another about purple is that, you can match the shade, like you can wear a dark purple cardigan over a violet dress, provided that there is no print on the dress.



Ok... we covered 3 colours now... next we will back to talk about more primary colours then spectral colours. we talk about blue, yellow and green ( although green is actually spectral :p).

FYI

its just one of those days that u know its not gonna be great.

Woke up to a massive headache, caused by the lack of sleep last night. Only got back from JB at about 1 am!! with the train delay and all..no more train ride for me!!

Wanted to post some pics that i took from the train station whit my phone, but realize that my blue tooth device on my laptop is not functioning, argh!!!

Took a panadol today:( ya ya.. i know.. i been clean for so long! haven't take panadol for like a month!! sigh... but really cant stand it today... i just got to have it! once an addict, always an addict!

Got a rejection letter from Allen gledhill. They said something along the line that there is no position suitable for me.. blah blah blah.. just tell me u don't want me :(, i can handle the truth! ok, i can't... still... i knew it wasnt my day..

anyway, i do have something interesting that i'm going to blog about soon... its about my passion, gonna share my years of experience that... hehe... suspense suspense ( 都不知在暗爽些什么!)dunno mandarin?? too bad :p

just hope the day will get better soon la.. if not, just stay this way... all i want to do is to go home and lay down and roll on my bed...

oh ya, fyi... i do sorry that i didn't get to see u, u know i want to see u..

Sorry is the hardest word???

I think i am lucky. I do take things for granted sometime and yet i am given second chance, third chance, fourth chance. And i know, i dont deserve it. I am lucky. I want to say thanks... but i dunno how, and we thought that saying sorry was the hardest word, yet saying thanks when u dont deserve the grace, its even harder. BUT am gonna say thank you. Thanks for the second chance. Thank You. I wont promise i will never fail you again, but u bet, i will try all that i have to never disappoint you...

Will you look me in the eyes, and tell me that you happy now...

i know that i haven't been happy lately. I try to though. sometimes even too hard... but it does not seem to be a task, not that you try hard enough, you will get.

I been thinking, seriously, being 27 years old, what have i done? this 27 years?? Do i even have something to be so proud of that i can brag about it. Doesn't seem so. I don't have an outstanding career, I don't have money, nor i have fame, I don't have someone to call my own. I do feel like i fail... in what? my life exam? Shouldn't there be a check list for all of us on things that we should achieve by certain age?? Would it make it easier??

What defines me? What is Tania? Am i define by my job? my clothes? my shoes? my bank account? What is me? How does this world sees me? what is my role? and when one day i die, when someone read a eulogy for me, what am i to them? If God ask me, what you done? Would i say the same thing to him also, What have i done??

Nothing. At this point of time, i feel like i have nothing to say. SILENT.

I do think that what will the world be without me? of coz, am not thinking of killing myself (pls........) Just evaluating, If there were never a Tania, will the world been a better place, or would it be worst off....What or Who did i ever contribute to, that makes me irreplaceable? i Dunno... ambitious? maybe... But sometime i just feel like, in life, it gotta be just more then this, beyond the fancy car, the luxury house, the platinum card... there gotta be more then this...

What is it then? i dunno... i am still looking... maybe i should get back to simple life, simple things, simple thinking... to find a reason, a simple life with a simple purpose... maybe i dont need to achieve something... maybe when God ask me, " what have you done?" i said "i made myself happy." Maybe its good enough...

给 fei yong...

美人魚 - 徐若瑄

我是一條沒有人養的魚　
揹著自由面無表情
彩色眼睛　受傷的心　
只有看到黑白的你

我像一條沒有人養的魚　
我的悲傷你不在意
說過的話　飄過臉頰　
我無法揮去一切重新再來

＊捨不得我為什麼說再見
　能不能收回我說的每一句話
　捨不得我為什麼不忘記
　做一條快樂美人魚

(Rap)
你的溫柔總是來了又去　
我的孤單（不稀罕同情）
你的電話　忍住不打　
我不想變成習慣　等你回來
Repeat ＊, ＊
捨不得我為什麼說再見　
能不能收回我說的每一句話
捨不得我為什麼不忘記　
做一條快樂美人魚　
游向幸福的大海裡



昨天和朋友去唱k时, 点起了着首歌... 就想到你. 好想念说! 我, 你的和文一起唱k 的日子, 真恨不得你快点回来, 让我们能再一次的卡拉永远ok!!!

找到一张我们好久以前拍的照片! 好年轻哦!!

Nuffing

hehe, i finally added nuffnang application! yey!! was convinced by sherly to do so, pretty cool. you guys should try out too... i finally get to add something different in my blog..lol..

anyway.. i decided at every of my blog i shall introduce anything new or nice i ate for the week! hehe... what can i say, u all should know i'm have a fetish for food lol!

anyway, this week one will be Nasi Lemak from 6 to 9 Grill and Nasi lemak at Section 17 ( i dunno the exact address, but if it helps, its the same row as food foundry). Its the first non-halal nasi lemak place i ever went to! lol! excited!!! sorry, my muslim frens... i just lurve pork too much! Anyway, i order the Dried salted fish fried with mince pork sambal and mutton curry for my nasi lemak. Angie ordered the cuttle fish and chicken curry. It was pork sambal thing was quite good and i love my mutton curry! After that we had Banana fitters with ice-cream for dessert, which is quite nice i must say. Too bad, we were such glutten, i didnt manage to take the pic of our banana dessert :P... they also serve western food and i heard that the pork ribs here is quite good, will try again :P...

Below is the pic of my food. You have to excuse me for the bad pic quality, my camera spoiled adi so had to use camera phone :(

Neutral Good Human Bard/Cleric

Some Test that i took.. kinda fun.. try it if u have time :)

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Bard/Cleric (2nd/1st Level)">http://I Am A: Neutral Good Human Bard/Cleric (2nd/1st Level)

half a day

yes, am blogging in my office again! they so gonna fire me soon..:P but what the heck... tomorrow is public holiday, which makes today the eve of public holiday, so just like Christmas eve or Chinese new year eve, its immoral to ask people to work on the eve of any holiday! yes, i am full of crap.. bite me!

Today wasn't really a good day to begin, woke up and realize that there is not water at home!! Thought was some stupid kids that went and turn off our main water switch again, (yes, they do that all the time! i hate kids!) BUT anyway, no, the water switch was fine, and i was running up and down my floor, with my pj and robe (have to robe, pj too sexy adi.. lol) peeping into my neighbours, to see whether is there any water at their place :P. Then my lurking around caught the attention of my neighbour, which i swear was two step away from calling the police abt a woman wandering at her hallway with PJ and a robe! Anyway, to my horror, she told me there is no water since 5 am this morning.. i was thinking... who wakes up at 5 in the morning?!

So anyway, its officially there is no water, and to let u know a dirty little secret, i didnt took bath this morning! muahaha... i gross u out? good :P

anyway... after playing around, obviously late for work... change... moisturize....ran... drive... put makeup... drive fast fast... ran again.. touch down at office ngam ngam!lol!

Today is nasi lemak day (have to limit myself once a week leh, if not, i know no self control! lol!) and my dear colleague is back from Kuantan, so obviously its some gossip session... abt the office bitch la, my boss la ( Boss was complaining abt how they book his air ticket wrong, and he had to fly economic to UK, seriously,who cares?! ungrateful! u can fly me on cargo to UK! i wont care! just fly me there!), my another bitchy colleague, the company Casanova wannabe... well.. u get the picture la... and then of coz... my morning coffee...um.....

Oh ya... then after that the usual mail checking, news checking, facebook checking, blog checking (julia posted something on green tea... was so yum! make me hungry again!). Then of coz, got like a million emails from each department :( asking for all sort of nonsense... sigh.. got meeting lagi later... and its only 12:15 pm and i'm bloody hungry!

Oooh, am gonna play badminton tonight with some colleagues! this is my desperate attempt to do "some" exercise! SOME....:P

OKla... need to go do SOME work adi, before i count down to my lunch break.. adios!

Words of Wisdon :)

I saw these "wisdom words" on th net and thought of sharing it. No.4 is personal favourite... goes right to the heart :P

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm .

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane .

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happened?"

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jellybeans.

alone

I been doing a lot things alone lately.

I watch movie alone. I drink coffee alone. I wander arounf malls alone.

I think i need sometime with myself. I especially like watching movie alone. In a dark room, with my phone off. I cant see another human being, but only the screen playing. Finally i get some peace. I could breath again. Slowly but steady.

Like now. I am sitting at the coffee house alone. There is this girl that is sitting in front me. Also alone. staring out to the world. like nothing ever matter to her. Her phone rang. She answered. I think its him. She said it's ok, i'm busy too, we'll meet next time. she hang up the phone and stare out again. i try to get some emotion from her face. But i failed. Her eyes was so clam. almost like a statute. I suppose sometime, nothing really matters.

My columbian brewed coffee, does not give me the taste of summer. Somewhat, it taste quaint. Its almost too queit. Is it one of those night again? I dunno.

There is guy sitting at the back of me. His coffee taste like summer. He is over joyed. Calling everyone he knows, sharing the good news. He cant even contend in his sit. Its almost like he is going to leap and jump. he smile. he type furiously, talk loudly. I suppose sometime, the smallest things matters.

i am sitting here wondering what really matters to me. The people. SH said to me once. Its always the people. Ya, the people.

She is still sitting there. probably wondering what is so great abt the world out there. He had however quiet down. Being happy can be tiring.

Its a Monday night. Its raining and i'm alone with everyone. Its nice to be alone with somebody. Be it her or he. We are alone together.

Will you be my....?

"What kinda man are u looking for?"

This is a hard question to answer. There never seem to be a definite one for this. You either feel u missed out a criteria or you don't even know where to start!! People always ask me this question and frankly i never have the right answer. I mean sure, i will say things like tall, good personality, blah blah blah... but deep down i knew that was not the right answer. Yet, i dunno what is the right answer.

But that day, i was seeking refuge in one of this shitty, unrealistic, totally time wasting romance novel (yes, so i read them, bite me!), and something hit me! Finally my answer came to me.

In the novel, the lead is a sucessful young lady, yet she never get to find the right guy for her. Her friends ask her why? And she answered, "Because they are not my hero!". Oh my! that was when it hits me! I need a hero TOO!

Finally, i know what is my answer! I want a hero.

But what is a hero? I'm not talking about man in blue spendex outfit with his red underwear out, nor am i talking about a John Mclane running around town to safe the world. I talk about a real hero. My hero.


My hero makes me laugh;

My hero tells me that i am prefect and i do not need to loose a single inch off my waist;

My hero makes me want to love myself more;

My hero makes it ok for me to be weak sometime;

My hero makes me feel that with all the wrong in the world, there is some right;

My hero lets me soar, and catches me when i fall;

My hero lets me feel that i am worth it;

My hero tells me its ok to cry, its ok to be vulnarable;

My hero believes that there is no dream to big for me;

My hero loves me, for who i am and for what we will be....

Where is my hero? Am i ever gonna find my hero? or is it again, another shitty, unrealistic, time wasting dream??

nightmare

I had the best dream yesterday night. It was so beautiful.

I met this person. He is not very tall, he is not very good looking, he is not very rich.

But he loves me.

We meet at his quiet little café. I had my café latte, sipping away at the claming afternoon.

Then he came.

He sat in front of me. We met, it was instance, we were in love.

We went everywhere together. We did everything together.

We laugh, we cry, we hold each other so tight, I can still feel his heat.

Then he had to go. I cried.

He brought me to this park, and we sat on a bench.

Then he kneel down, took out the ugliest ring I ever seen. And ask me to go with him. To be with him. It was the most beautiful moment life could offer.

But I cried. In sorrow. I suppose it was that time where I realized it all a dream.

This is how a sweet dream turns to nightmare. Where u want to live in the dream, where dream can give u what life cant offer….
If only… I’m still in the dream…

Morbid

I am angry. So mad. I can feel the burning urge in my body to holler. SCREAM. I said to myself. CRY. I beg myself. But I’m holding it in. HOLDING. Like its uses every last strength I have in my body. I’m holding it. But the heart, it ache, oh so bad. ACHE. The finger clench. So tight. I can see the vain. VAIN. Every single one of them. They are so green. Green in anger. Green in rage. I command myself to breath. But its so hard, as very breath is like fire. It hurts. Oh the fire of rage. Save me as I sink deeper. Rage Fury Anger. It consumed me.

Dull

Yes. I am bloging in office now. Its just one of those days, where you still have work all pile up and yet, you just can’t bring yourself to do any of it. And I’m sitting here, with my sucky Nescafe coffee (there goes my dealership with Nescafe) and thinking, how is all this happening?

I dunno, maybe I made some wrong decision in life, maybe things are just not meant to be, or maybe I just need better coffee.

If there is one thing I can wish for now, I wish for the ability to stop time. Maybe I need that, to just stop the time so I can breath for a while, rather just gasping for air every second. I need to breath again.

I think I should start going to church. I need some kind of sanctuary, some kind of higher power to tell me that everything is meant to be, or even better, tell me that everything is taken care of. Probably all the wrong reasons to go to church, but I suppose there is never a right or wrong reason to go to church, there are just reasons.

My coffee is getting colder. This probably is the most random blog ever. I used to tailor every single of my blog before I post it, but now I’m just typing as everything that is coming out of my head. My supplier told me today that he always advise people to think with their head not heart, so that we will make less mistake. I think its true. Heart is just another organ of the body, which doesn’t have the ability to think nor analyze. But, y when a wrong decision is made, the heart hurts the most??

Clock is at 3:40 pm. Every second is like eternity, but every hour is like a flash light. Ironic. I can’t stop thinking about you. Its not that I still miss you, but I dunno why your face keeps on appear. Maybe it’s the red sweater I threw out yesterday. Maybe it’s the guilt. Maybe I’m such a good liar.

Random. I think it will be the best topic for this blog.

I remember lying on the bed, as the night falls, I’m thinking, what happened? How can I be so wrong? Why? How? When? What? As the darkness blinding me…

It just one of those days….

Random....

The hardest part in loosing a love one is that, sometime you tend to forget that u loose that person. And you pass by each day like nothing has chnage. Then suddenly, maybe it was a song, a movie, a book, a watch, or even a car, just remind you and hit you so hard, and you have to go through the pain, the agony, the heartache and to deal with the cruel reality again, that someone you love so much is no longer with you anymore....

Only Lonely - 给fei yong，你不会一辈子的孤单！

only lonely- SHE

都怪我話不太會說　不能逗妳開心
但你也有點小題大做　
一個人Shopping 就覺得寂寞
別人都在戀愛　You're only lonely
那你說我該怎麼辦　You're only lonely

求求你　睜開眼睛　看看這個世界　
又不是全部　都一對一對
我們　心地善良　又有品味　又沒犯罪　
又沒偷竊 健康檢查　完全ＯＫ　
打開皮夾　ya卡又一堆
只不過是　沒有人陪　
太多人追 又太會拒絕
何必　因為一點寂寞 就要跟誰道歉毀失禮怪
別人太沒有眼光　有點不太營養
算了吧　我發誓我無法抗拒　
憂鬱竟讓你更有魅力
全世界都在戀愛　You're only lonely
那你說我該怎麼辦　You're only lonely

不要再說lonely　因為你是One and only
打發時間　其實很Easy　
來點嘻哈　讓心情變得Sunny
天天轟趴　流連網咖　會不會太Crazy
打起精神　不要Lazy　
我做你的　你做我的Baby, Yes my lady

都怪我話不太會說　不能逗妳開心
但你也有點小題大做　
一個人Shopping就覺得寂寞
別人都在戀愛　You're only lonely
那你說我該怎麼辦　You're only lonely

What is your deepest fear?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frighten us. Your playing small does not serve the world, and there is nothing enlighten about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It is not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own life shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our present automatically liberate others.”

~a return to love - marianne williamson

Do u remember?

How do we normally remember things? by our memory? i think we remember things by our 5 sences, touch, smell, sight, hearing, taste. its amazing how a simple song, a certain perfume, a bite of the chocolate, brings back all the memory...

Everytime i put on my Elizabeth Arden Green tea, it reminds me of the hot summer in Taiwan.

Everytime the song "good luck" is played, it reminds me of my gym days in Uni Tas.

Everytime i sip on a JD coke, it reminds me of those nights where i hang out with gie and pam at their place, complaining abt the man!

Everytime i taste tuna pasta, its reminds me of the days of being fati's housemate.

Everytime i wear the red sweater, it reminds me the heat of your body.

Everytime i see the green car passes by, it reminds me you which i lost.

Everytime i smell of hot chocolate, it reminds me of the beautiful Darwin river from my balcony in hobart.

Everytime i hear someone said i love you, it reminds me of the people that i forget to say love to.

I suppose its the little things that matter in the end of the day :)

for another better 3 years ahead...

3 years is a long time. its long enough for me to switch from pedestrian to driver; its long enough for me to loose 10 kg ( which never happens), its long enough for me to switch from clarifying to anti-aging (yes,yes age is catching up).

3 years is also long enough for u to almost forget abt someone. Almost.

Then he comes back.

Just when to almost forget abt him, almost forget abt the obsession, almost forget abt the hearth beat, almost forget abt the love. His back. Jay's back.

haha... ok... done with the dramatic entrance. lets talk a little abt the highlights ofthe concert.

The concert was great. Its hard to describe how good it is unless you are there to experience it yourself. You won't know what you miss until you are actually there. i mean words are so limited. How can i describe to you the roar of the crowds, how can i describe to you the sound of every heart beat, How can i describe to you the adrenaline rush of my blood stream, how can i describe to you the fireworks that will blind one eyes, how can i describe to you that sound of angel?

It was one of a kind. His talent again, blew me away, he played the piano like as though there is a machine in his finger! after that it was the drum, the gu zheng, , the guitar.. it was incredible!

He also sang a lot of older songs like 'quiet', 'black humour', 'ninja', those are his signature songs which is also so significant to his fan, cause those are the songs that made us fall in love for him.

There is something abt superstar, they may not be the best singer ever, or the most good looking person, but there is something about them that once they get on the stage, they just captivate you. I was so tired when i reached the venue for the concert and i was telling my fren that i'm afraid that i might just fall a sleep watching him. Boy, was i wrong. the moment the light deem, and the drum hits! I was alive again!

Jay owns his stage, which is why it makes him a spetacular entertainer.... no that's an understatement. He is a superstar. Like Micheal, you may hate him, you call him a wacko, but the moment he got on the stage, you became a believer, you believe that he is one of the greatest superstar alive.

So its ok if you dont like jay. I will love it if you don't like him. Cause it gives me a greater satisfaction when you get blown away by him performing on stage... nothing beats that....

The concert ends at about 11 30pm. He did 3 encores which is really rare in his care. He also didn't say goodbye, but its ok. We all know that this is not goodbye. cause when the time comes, we will meet again...