i know that i haven't been happy lately. I try to though. sometimes even too hard... but it does not seem to be a task, not that you try hard enough, you will get.
I been thinking, seriously, being 27 years old, what have i done? this 27 years?? Do i even have something to be so proud of that i can brag about it. Doesn't seem so. I don't have an outstanding career, I don't have money, nor i have fame, I don't have someone to call my own. I do feel like i fail... in what? my life exam? Shouldn't there be a check list for all of us on things that we should achieve by certain age?? Would it make it easier??
What defines me? What is Tania? Am i define by my job? my clothes? my shoes? my bank account? What is me? How does this world sees me? what is my role? and when one day i die, when someone read a eulogy for me, what am i to them? If God ask me, what you done? Would i say the same thing to him also, What have i done??
Nothing. At this point of time, i feel like i have nothing to say. SILENT.
I do think that what will the world be without me? of coz, am not thinking of killing myself (pls........) Just evaluating, If there were never a Tania, will the world been a better place, or would it be worst off....What or Who did i ever contribute to, that makes me irreplaceable? i Dunno... ambitious? maybe... But sometime i just feel like, in life, it gotta be just more then this, beyond the fancy car, the luxury house, the platinum card... there gotta be more then this...
What is it then? i dunno... i am still looking... maybe i should get back to simple life, simple things, simple thinking... to find a reason, a simple life with a simple purpose... maybe i dont need to achieve something... maybe when God ask me, " what have you done?" i said "i made myself happy." Maybe its good enough...
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Will you look me in the eyes, and tell me that you happy now...
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2 comments:
Ok, I will look at you and tell you straight I am happy.
Tania, life is so short, more suitably to describe, so fragile~! We are just similar to the size of ants seen from other planets.
so, who are we then? nothing.
I feel sentimental when you talked about what have you achieved so far at this age,and the answer seems very negative.
well,i doubt whether you will feel happy when you have an outstanding career, a lot of money, drive a good car, have fame , and people recognize you perhaps the successful lawyer in town.
A wealthy designer who lives in New York city claimed that he enjoys his happiest moment when he live routinely in his hometown, where that is a small town in France.
It seems that life is never be in a perfect way. One can pray hard to ask from God one item, yet, you might lose others at the same time. It is all about balancing act.
Therefore, enjoy and appreciate things that had come to you,otherwise, we torture ourselves by asking why -that's the bottom line.
Tania, you are such a great friend to me! i believe to many more! We all are proud of you..... please live life to fullest! Stop thinking nonsense..k!
thanks dear...
Knowing that i have frens like you to lift me up when i'm down, i know that i am blessed. thank you.. and dont worry, i will only be better :)
ps, ur English is fine!!
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