Happy Birthday

Today is my dad's birthday. If he is still around, he will be 57 years old. I miss him.

I think about him almost everyday. But somehow, the tears don't drop so often, his face fade a little, the word 'ah pa' is more foreign a little. It scares me sometime.I rather go through the pain of losing him every single day then forget any bits of him. Time don't seems to give me such luxury. Some how over time, whether you want it or not, you move on, even just a little. And i fear that, one day, i will forget, forget the way he smile, the way frown, the he held my hand. I fear i will forget his face... i am terrified.

I always think about those that come and gone too soon.

My primary school mate. She had a beautiful name. Barely made it to 14, a accident took her life away.

My little niece, was only 3 years old when God took her back, guess that God needed an extra angel.

MY dearest uncle, who spend his whole life battling against drug addiction. Finally he succeeded but life didn't gave him a second chance. I remember that Sunday afternoon, where he held and my hand and bought me my first ' apam balik'. I don't eat it any more, just taste too bad...

My loving aunt. What a great person her was, caring, talented and extremely nice. Yet, we loose her too soon. I never forget that evening that we got the news, its the first i saw my dad cry...

My Dad's best friend who passed away just a year before my dad. They were best friend. i think they still are...

Great people which we all loose too soon too fast...

Sometime i glad that there is Heaven, or at least i want to believe so... I need to know that this is not it, that this is not the end. I need to know that one day, i will see you again, i will see the warm smile again, when you greet me with open arm.
It is also my biggest fear that Heaven don't exist, and this is all we have. How will anyone ever go on.... I do not know.

Happy Birthday, ah pa. Miss you.