Morbid

I am angry. So mad. I can feel the burning urge in my body to holler. SCREAM. I said to myself. CRY. I beg myself. But I’m holding it in. HOLDING. Like its uses every last strength I have in my body. I’m holding it. But the heart, it ache, oh so bad. ACHE. The finger clench. So tight. I can see the vain. VAIN. Every single one of them. They are so green. Green in anger. Green in rage. I command myself to breath. But its so hard, as very breath is like fire. It hurts. Oh the fire of rage. Save me as I sink deeper. Rage Fury Anger. It consumed me.

Dull

Yes. I am bloging in office now. Its just one of those days, where you still have work all pile up and yet, you just can’t bring yourself to do any of it. And I’m sitting here, with my sucky Nescafe coffee (there goes my dealership with Nescafe) and thinking, how is all this happening?

I dunno, maybe I made some wrong decision in life, maybe things are just not meant to be, or maybe I just need better coffee.

If there is one thing I can wish for now, I wish for the ability to stop time. Maybe I need that, to just stop the time so I can breath for a while, rather just gasping for air every second. I need to breath again.

I think I should start going to church. I need some kind of sanctuary, some kind of higher power to tell me that everything is meant to be, or even better, tell me that everything is taken care of. Probably all the wrong reasons to go to church, but I suppose there is never a right or wrong reason to go to church, there are just reasons.

My coffee is getting colder. This probably is the most random blog ever. I used to tailor every single of my blog before I post it, but now I’m just typing as everything that is coming out of my head. My supplier told me today that he always advise people to think with their head not heart, so that we will make less mistake. I think its true. Heart is just another organ of the body, which doesn’t have the ability to think nor analyze. But, y when a wrong decision is made, the heart hurts the most??

Clock is at 3:40 pm. Every second is like eternity, but every hour is like a flash light. Ironic. I can’t stop thinking about you. Its not that I still miss you, but I dunno why your face keeps on appear. Maybe it’s the red sweater I threw out yesterday. Maybe it’s the guilt. Maybe I’m such a good liar.

Random. I think it will be the best topic for this blog.

I remember lying on the bed, as the night falls, I’m thinking, what happened? How can I be so wrong? Why? How? When? What? As the darkness blinding me…

It just one of those days….

Random....

The hardest part in loosing a love one is that, sometime you tend to forget that u loose that person. And you pass by each day like nothing has chnage. Then suddenly, maybe it was a song, a movie, a book, a watch, or even a car, just remind you and hit you so hard, and you have to go through the pain, the agony, the heartache and to deal with the cruel reality again, that someone you love so much is no longer with you anymore....

Only Lonely - 给fei yong，你不会一辈子的孤单！

only lonely- SHE

都怪我話不太會說　不能逗妳開心
但你也有點小題大做　
一個人Shopping 就覺得寂寞
別人都在戀愛　You're only lonely
那你說我該怎麼辦　You're only lonely

求求你　睜開眼睛　看看這個世界　
又不是全部　都一對一對
我們　心地善良　又有品味　又沒犯罪　
又沒偷竊 健康檢查　完全ＯＫ　
打開皮夾　ya卡又一堆
只不過是　沒有人陪　
太多人追 又太會拒絕
何必　因為一點寂寞 就要跟誰道歉毀失禮怪
別人太沒有眼光　有點不太營養
算了吧　我發誓我無法抗拒　
憂鬱竟讓你更有魅力
全世界都在戀愛　You're only lonely
那你說我該怎麼辦　You're only lonely

不要再說lonely　因為你是One and only
打發時間　其實很Easy　
來點嘻哈　讓心情變得Sunny
天天轟趴　流連網咖　會不會太Crazy
打起精神　不要Lazy　
我做你的　你做我的Baby, Yes my lady

都怪我話不太會說　不能逗妳開心
但你也有點小題大做　
一個人Shopping就覺得寂寞
別人都在戀愛　You're only lonely
那你說我該怎麼辦　You're only lonely

What is your deepest fear?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frighten us. Your playing small does not serve the world, and there is nothing enlighten about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It is not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own life shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our present automatically liberate others.”

~a return to love - marianne williamson

Do u remember?

How do we normally remember things? by our memory? i think we remember things by our 5 sences, touch, smell, sight, hearing, taste. its amazing how a simple song, a certain perfume, a bite of the chocolate, brings back all the memory...

Everytime i put on my Elizabeth Arden Green tea, it reminds me of the hot summer in Taiwan.

Everytime the song "good luck" is played, it reminds me of my gym days in Uni Tas.

Everytime i sip on a JD coke, it reminds me of those nights where i hang out with gie and pam at their place, complaining abt the man!

Everytime i taste tuna pasta, its reminds me of the days of being fati's housemate.

Everytime i wear the red sweater, it reminds me the heat of your body.

Everytime i see the green car passes by, it reminds me you which i lost.

Everytime i smell of hot chocolate, it reminds me of the beautiful Darwin river from my balcony in hobart.

Everytime i hear someone said i love you, it reminds me of the people that i forget to say love to.

I suppose its the little things that matter in the end of the day :)

for another better 3 years ahead...

3 years is a long time. its long enough for me to switch from pedestrian to driver; its long enough for me to loose 10 kg ( which never happens), its long enough for me to switch from clarifying to anti-aging (yes,yes age is catching up).

3 years is also long enough for u to almost forget abt someone. Almost.

Then he comes back.

Just when to almost forget abt him, almost forget abt the obsession, almost forget abt the hearth beat, almost forget abt the love. His back. Jay's back.

haha... ok... done with the dramatic entrance. lets talk a little abt the highlights ofthe concert.

The concert was great. Its hard to describe how good it is unless you are there to experience it yourself. You won't know what you miss until you are actually there. i mean words are so limited. How can i describe to you the roar of the crowds, how can i describe to you the sound of every heart beat, How can i describe to you the adrenaline rush of my blood stream, how can i describe to you the fireworks that will blind one eyes, how can i describe to you that sound of angel?

It was one of a kind. His talent again, blew me away, he played the piano like as though there is a machine in his finger! after that it was the drum, the gu zheng, , the guitar.. it was incredible!

He also sang a lot of older songs like 'quiet', 'black humour', 'ninja', those are his signature songs which is also so significant to his fan, cause those are the songs that made us fall in love for him.

There is something abt superstar, they may not be the best singer ever, or the most good looking person, but there is something about them that once they get on the stage, they just captivate you. I was so tired when i reached the venue for the concert and i was telling my fren that i'm afraid that i might just fall a sleep watching him. Boy, was i wrong. the moment the light deem, and the drum hits! I was alive again!

Jay owns his stage, which is why it makes him a spetacular entertainer.... no that's an understatement. He is a superstar. Like Micheal, you may hate him, you call him a wacko, but the moment he got on the stage, you became a believer, you believe that he is one of the greatest superstar alive.

So its ok if you dont like jay. I will love it if you don't like him. Cause it gives me a greater satisfaction when you get blown away by him performing on stage... nothing beats that....

The concert ends at about 11 30pm. He did 3 encores which is really rare in his care. He also didn't say goodbye, but its ok. We all know that this is not goodbye. cause when the time comes, we will meet again...